A Healthy Dose of Preussen
by disneyprincessludwig
Summary: pruaus. A gift for the-spamanos of tumblr. Roderich has always hated Gilbert, and Gilbert, well...not so much, as his actions display. Prussia/Austria


If anyone asked Roderich who he loathed the most, he would always answer Gilbert. He couldn't remember exactly when the rivalry started, but that was of little importance, because for all they knew, it could simply be a product of the political tensions between their former bosses. Otto von Bismarck _did _seem to hold a grudge against Austria, even though he claimed all German lands should be united. And the Austro-Prussian war had taught Roderich to always watch his back, heaven knows where the Prussian would strike next. Not to mention he pulled forth a child _incredibly similar_ to Holy Roman, claiming this was the united nation of Deutschland. If anyone could not be trusted, it was Prussia.

Austria had never thought past that, after all, his strict eleventh century policies dictating he was certainly into women-not that he had a problem with others in the modern day, but still. The point remained, Prussia was the last on the list. If he was even on the list. Certainly Hungary was first, hell, they had even been married for a while, but it seemed it was all politics, and she much preferred her independence. Belgium was cute, but certainly not his type, and the Slavic sisters were not an option, unless someone wanted an angry Russia at their doorstep. He had no contacts beyond formality with the Latinas or Asians. So Austria, for the most part, was alone.

Besides, weren't marriages just political ties and mergers? So Austria chose not to dwell on it.

Which left him at his current state of pondering his relationship with Gilbert. Because who else would be knocking at his door at 2:47 in the morning?

Gauging from the crashing noises in the kitchen, the beast had found a way in. Yet again. Sliding unceremoniously out of bed, Austria flicked on the lights and shuffled down the stairs, stopping when he found a familiar white haired head slumped on his kitchen table. With all the chairs tipped over. Brilliant.

Releasing a sigh, Austria decided to just go accept it for now. "Prussia, how did you get in?"

His voice was muffled, but Roderich was pretty sure he heard a, "I used the key under your doormat," in there somewhere.

To be expected. He should have hidden it better.

"Why are you here?"

Gilbert stirred slightly. "West kicked me out. He says I need to be more mature and cut down on the beer, but I'm pretty sure he just wants to fuck his hot Italian fiancé."

Austria was unsure of what that statement was and wasn't meant to imply. "Are you saying you're jealous of your brother? Did you like Italy...like that?" What the hell. It wasn't any of his business anyways, but the man just looked so drunken and miserable.

Gilbert laughed through his nose, the nasal sound filling Austria's empty house. "And ruin the only action West will ever get? I'm not heartless, you fodder."

Austria bristled slightly. "Well, he seems to get more action that you, _Preußen_. Not to mention the fact he's actually getting married."

Prussia snorted. "Hell, you're one to talk, _Österreich._ You were married to Hungary and I bet you two never did it."

Austria remained indignant. "You know that was only political anyways."

Prussia straightened with sudden interest. "Does that mean you're single? And a virgin?"

"If you must know, yes, I'm single. And I refuse to answer the second question." Why the hell was he even talking to Prussia at this point? What did he gain from admitting that? And was he really that lonely and desperate?

Possibly.

"So yes then. Niiiccce, _Arschgeiger_. Over two thousand years of abstinence."

Roderich huffed. Trust Gilbert to judge. "It's not something I really care-wait, _did you just call me a violin-ass?!_"

Gilbert began to smirk. "Well, that's what I'd imagine it looks like. Care to drop your pants and let's find out, piano-man."

"I-w-what?!" Austria could not comprehend the speed at which this conversation was going, and sure, Gilbert was drunk, but this behavior was unacceptable in any light.

Gilbert hefted himself up in a wobbly, jerking motion, just barely stopping himself in time to fall on Roderich's shoulder. "Hey, hey, piano-man, let me play your keys, huh?"

This had gone on for far too long. It was three in the morning and he was tired and Gilbert was drunk and-_he most certainly was not aroused by Gilbert in any way._ Or attracted to him. In the least. Gilbert suddenly straightened up.

"Oh." He seemed suddenly aware of what he had just done, relinquishing his grasp and backing up. Austria almost whined at the sense of loss. Not because he liked Gilbert straddling him, oh no, most definitely because it was three in the morning and it was cold. Yes, that was it. He still had to wonder what had made Gilbert come to his senses.

"Hey, ah, _Preußen_, let's stay on topic, shall we? Now, you're jealous of you're brother?"

Gilbert looked about slowly in his drunken stupor, before nodding slightly.

Austria didn't really get it. "But marriages are mergers, so isn't it precedent to allow the countries with desire to merge go at it? I never would have guessed Germany and Italy, but you don't even have a country to speak of. Besides, marriages are a drag. You always have to make decisions unanimously and the system often doesn't work unless one nation relinquishes power completely."

Gilbert looked at Roderich as if he had just shed all his clothes and broke out into song. "What?!"

"Did you need me to repeat-"

Gilbert silenced him roughly. "No! What I mean is, is that what you think marriage is? Because Italy and Germany are not uniting, I would have thought you paid more attention to politics, dumbass."

"I-what?! But then why are they getting married?!"

Gilbert just laughed. "Um, duh? Because they're in luuuuuvvv! It's so sappy and gross to watch, have you even seen the way they act around each other?"

Things seemed to click in Austria's mind, as he pieced together what exactly that meant for Gilbert. "So...so you're jealous of the intimate bond they share? You want...love?"

Gilbert's brow furrowed slightly. "Wow, you make me sound a lot more intelligent and deep than I actually am. Anyways, I don't need to be jealous anymore."

"Why ever not?"

"Because you let me stay at your house for thirty minutes straight, so obviously you can no longer deny your burning desire for my hot body!"

It seemed the best way to silence a drunken Prussia was with a kiss. Which still didn't mean anything, or so Austria told himself.


End file.
